So this post is going to involve a lot of questions. Sp please feel free to answer any of them.
1. Does anyone ever feel like their husband is ashamed of them? Because sometimes it feels like Rand doesn't want to take me places. I mean he knows everybody and I hardly know anybody. Or sometimes I think it is because I don't know a lot about sports. But I am trying. Don't think that I don't love my husband because I do.
2. Raegan is being a pill lately and she is hardly taking any naps. How can I get her to take longer naps? She is also having a hard time taking a bottle. I had to stop nursing because of some medicine that I had to take (long story, so don't ask). How can I get her to take a bottle better?
3. Does any other moms feel like they can't go anywhere? I mean I feel that I can't go anywhere without the kids. Kaiden does great when I leave him with a babysitter. But Raegan hates it. I know she is in a stage where she only wants me but, I can't stand it anymore.
4. Also I need some ideas on how to be more fun. I want to hang out with people but sometimes I can't be crazy enough because I am afraid of what peopl are thinking of me. (I am one of those people who care what other people think. I know it is stupid.) Or ideas on trying something new, when other people are around?
5. Also how to I get my husband to tell me things? Rand never talks to me. Or is that just a guy thing?
If nobody responds to this that is ok. I just wanted to see if anybody had any ideas.
Thanks!
Top 10 Pics
13 years ago
14 comments:
Hi Karen,
Probably didn't know I read your blog, huh?! :)
I'm sorry that you're not feeling top notch right now; I have feelings just like yours sometime. I'm just getting over some of those similar feelings...I think it has to do a combination of this COLD winter weather (we're in Indianapolis for dental school), kids being sick, my monthly hormonal roller coaster, Jonathan being gone all the time with dental school and then there's my issues with postpartum depression/anxiety.
For me, what helps is TALKING about it to someone, ANYONE. You're doing that with blogging, I guess. Also, have you told Rand how you're feeling? I know it's hard to talk about those kinds of feelings....but I am SURE he would NEVER intend for you to feel that way! I've found that it's hard for men to "take a hint", when it comes to women's moods...lots of times they need to be told things straight up to understand what's going on.
It is SO hard, sometimes, to be an LDS stay-at-home mom; there are SO many things you could beat yourself up over. I do it too. Just know you're not alone.
Take care,
Candace
Hey Karen! We need to do things together! I really miss being in your ward and associating with younger people. It is a hard time of year up here with the cold weather and sicknesses going around but it makes it a whole lot easier with good fun friends to do things with! We could be creative and plan fun things! I'll talk to you later! You are a very fun girl!
Hey Karen,
This is Lindsey Wilkins (now Stokes). I just wanted you to know I felt like I related to alot of your questions...so I hope you get some good responses!
As for the fun thing, I think it is easiest to do things in my own elimate. So I like to invite people over to my house to play games, watch movies, etc. One fun thing I recently did is had an American Idol night, where I sent out invitations and everyone dressed up as their favorite contestant/judge/etc. It was really fun...I think having themed parties are fun and so easy.
My sister also has get togethers where women can learn things. Like find someone who knows how to take pictures, cook, scrapbook,etc. and have a bunch of women over to learn how to do it.
I don't know if any of those sound fun, but it is something I have enjoyed and you don't necesarily have to be crazy to do them.
I always have a lot of questions and really weird ideas. I cannot help you with a lot of them because I don't think that I've ever been in that situation. Sorry dear, but remember that we do love you. About the being crazy thing, its really not in your personality. I don't care what people think but at the same time I don't like to do crazy things! Your my sis., we have to be related somehow. I always want to have game nights but I think that people would think that I'm lame... i guess that you could consider that to be the same. Just try, that is my only suggestion. LOVE YA!
Hey Karen. Take it from an old woman. Rand isn't being anything but a good man. He works all the time and puts his heart in his work and teams. It's not that he doesn't want to do things with you it's only that he wants to be home. Let him know when you want to do stuff and plan it and he'll have a great time. Don't worry about what people think. You are fun and wonderful. Your friends know that and love you for it. Hand in there. Naps are the pits. Keep working on it. Routine. Routine. Routine.
Next time you turn around Kaiden will be in school and Regan will be learning her letters.
You're great. A beloved daughter of Heavenly Father. Don't forget that. Love, mary
Yes, I relate! Maybe not to every single thing, but I can relate that this time in our lives is difficult sometimes. We're past the honeymoon stage and entering the time in our marriage where we feel so comfortable... maybe even TOO comfortable with the other person, which makes us lazy in our relationships. Jace is not a talker! He will laugh and joke, but hates talking about serious things. It drives me crazy. But I finally told him that as a woman, I NEED that connection. He has really tried to work on that. He's still not great at it, but I think he'll keep getting better. You just can't expect it to change over night. I think you should talk to Rand. I know it's easier to talk to girls about it because they just instantly GET IT... but your husband is really the one that is going to have to work on it with you.
About longer naps... I sure wish I had the answer to that!! Ellie naps for 30 minutes at a time a lot and it drives me crazy. If you find the answer, let me know!
Hi Karen!!!
It's funny, when I read this it's a lot like us...only flipped! It's like I'm Rand and Dave is you! Ha! I definately think Rand is not ashamed you! Maybe it's more that when you come places, it means the whole family has to come, and I think it's hard for men to go public places with little kids - they get overwhelmed.
We miss you guys!
Hey Karen, it sounds like you are having a rough time! :-( I think we all experience some of these things as moms! My youngest one stopped taking regular naps when she was one and pretty much stopped altogether by the time she was two. I think every kid is just different, some take good naps until they are four and some just stop really early. If there is anything I can do, let me know! I know that daily exercise helps me SO much. Even if you just take the kids with you on a run in a jogger. (It's not as nice as going by yourself, but it still helps!)Anyway, I hope you feel better soon! Tell me when you comeback down here!
Hey Karen, Long time no talk and I am really sorry about that. It is so weird that growing up we were best friend and even though we have not seen each other in forever we are still exactly the same. I feel like that all the time. (Well not the kids thing but everything involving hubbies) Please call me if you ever feel like talking I really do miss you a lot, you guys should come down and visit and see our new house! And Lexi is right exercise it is so hard to do but it really can make you feel better about you and everything, fresh air can do wonders and go outside and just walk (because I hate to run) Rand loves you I know that he does I have seen it in both of you. R U guys having date night? Even if you don’t go out rent a movie or have a nice dinner just the two of you. Try making dinner together. And talk to him, men don’t know anything about us and I’m not sure they ever will, but they can try if we help them and tell them how we feel. Sorry if I am rambling I feel like I am telling this to myself right now because that is really hard for me to do with Aaron, but I am trying to work on it. I find that when I am not liking my self or the situation that I am in its because I am not doing everything that I should be doing like church every week or reading scriptures and praying all the time and family home evening, Stay strong and know that you are loved by so many people that will always be there for you and your Heavenly Father loves you so much.
Hey Karen
You know, I think we all feel inadequate at times and wonder what our husbands really think of us. I don't know the answer, I really don't because I struggle with this too but I guess we can just do our best and thats it, let the Lord do the rest. I do think that it is important to have similar interests as your husband if possible. Maybe its ok that you don't understand the sport or whatever but to just be there to support him...I don't know and if you ever need a babysitter I'm right here and even if your kids don't like to be left with a babysitter you and Rand need it so don't feel like you can't leave them...even if its for a little bit. I would love to hang out sometime...Just give me a call. I'll talk to ya later!
Hey Karen,
I can't relate to everything you said because we obviously don't have kids yet. And, yes, Rand not wanting to talk about things IS a guy thing. That's exactly how David is. But I now have him "trained" as he likes to put it. Maybe you could sit Rand down and just tell him in all seriousness how you're feeling. Like Candace said, he doesn't want to you be down and upset, so tell him how you're feeling and maybe you'll be able to work something out together. Have him give you a priesthood blessing. The blessing will help you and Rand. We love you, so stick in there!
Love,
Jill
Hi Karen~
I don't really have a good answer to these questions... other than to say I love you a lot and I am thinking of you.
Well, maybe this is an answer: CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN'T LOSE! It works for many situations, not just Panther games. :)
~Paula
Hi Karen . . .
I just wanted to say I love you and you are a great mom! Talk to Rand - ask him the questions you asked on your blog - In my 30 years of marriage I've learned that when I make assumptions I'm usually wrong and if I want to really know what's "going on" I have to go to the source and ask the question . . . so go ask Rand - that'll start the conversation and you'll probably be able to get him talking - he doesn't do that much does he? never did as a kid either - just kind of his personality. He adores you - has since he first met you - be willing to share with him your feelings - if you talk about it on your blog, you should be able to talk with him about it - he needs to know how you are feeling - he can't change it if he isn't aware of how you are feeling. Maybe you should forward your blog to him . . . You have wonderful talents, your kids are darling, your husband has a job that provides for your family, you have eternal perspective - life is good - I know that for sure! Sure love you . . . smile during the rough days and find joy in the small tender mercies that Heavenly Father sends your way . . .
Hi Karen!
I was just catching up on the old RV buddies' blogs and I thought I would add my 2 cents worth :)
I'll have to skip my advise on the parenting stuff (it hasn't been tested yet ;) but I will gladly talk about things in the husband department!
In my SHORT experience as a wife, I have found that I often need to initiate the communication with my hubby. I think that men think that if their wife doesn't mention something to them, then it isn't a problem. On the other hand, women think that men should know what is on their minds. I can't tell you how many misunderstandings Justin and I have had all because I didn't talk about what I felt and Justin (poor man!) didn't suspect anything! Ahhh, marriage...isn't it confusingly wonderful!
Anyways, the bottom line is that communication is key in a marriage. If you think he's out of the loop with your feelings, open up and initiate the conversation. Oh yeah, be gentle about how you approach him too (a.k.a. avoid the "drama mamma" scene...trust me, I learned this one from experience...many times!).
About not taking you places--perhaps a nice conversation would help here too? Perhaps Rand doesn't know what this means to you? I am sure he doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. One thing I would like to mention is that I have found that men do need a little time by themselves, to engage in the things they like to do. I found that Justin and I get along much better if we each have a little time to ourselves (I know this is easier for us to do since we don't have kids yet :). Maybe Rand just needs a little time to do the stuff he likes to do? This said, you need a little "me" time too...he probably should know that too!
Anyways, I probably have said too much.
Hang in there Karen! I hope you will feel better soon! Take care!
Adriane
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you that Lindsey Wilkins (Stokes) was my cousin. I saw that she commented earlier. I remember that she mentioned to me that she knew you and I don't know if I ever relayed that info on. Anyways, isn't it nice what a small world it is?!
Post a Comment